My Friend Cassie Attracted Men Like I Never Could

It wasn’t until I was older, I understood why.

Non-members click here to read the full article for free.

Update: Many have made the assumption that I was not open to being approached. I was. I didn’t develop my RBF until I was almost 40 ;)

When I was about 22, I had a friend from work who was 35.

We’ll call her Cassie. Cassie smoked and drank and looked pretty rough around the edges.

There was a club near where we lived that was pretty low-key. It was technically a sports bar, but they had opened it up to have a dance floor as well.

On the weekends when we didn’t have our kids, we’d go out dancing to blow off some steam from the week.

I was young and pretty but almost never got hit on.

Cassie was older and got hit on every single time we went out. By multiple men.

As an early 20-something, I could never understand why this was the case. I thought being pretty was the basis for most men to approach an unknown woman. And, of the two of us, I was the prettier one.

So I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get the same attention she did.

Now as a 40-something woman, I understand it completely.

The thing with Cassie was that she would dress up for the men. She would even add special touches, like putting glitter on her chest. She wore tight fitting clothing even though her figure wasn’t as shapely as mine. She would smile and flirt with every man who approached her, even if she wasn’t attracted to them.

I, on the other hand, was fairly shy. I dressed much more conservatively because I had learned young in life that calling attention to your body was one sure way to get unwanted attention.

The way Cassie carried herself screamed SEX.

The way I carried myself screamed YOU’LL HAVE TO PUT IN SOME EFFORT.

The sad part was it really hit my self-esteem to constantly be overlooked when we were out together.

I felt like the ugly friend as she was being noticed time after time and I stood there awkwardly while the mating dance was performed.

Back then we didn’t even have cell phones to distract ourselves with. I would literally just stand there waiting, invisible to Cassie and whatever man she was flirting with.

I’m grateful I never decided to follow her lead.

In hindsight, it’s easy to see that the men who gave her attention were simply interested in sex.

I still find this to be the case for most men who will approach women they do not know.

What draws a man to approach an unknown woman? Her sharp intellect? Her witty sense of humor? Her admirable ambition?

No.

It is 100% appearance based. And while this may be flattering to someone’s ego, in my experience, it’s the women who look like they’ll put out that get the most attention.

A man will approach an unknown woman because he’d like to have sex with her. He knows nothing of her except for that she’s beautiful (at least to him) and he’d like to take her clothes off.

This is the main reason women are hesitant when being approached. We know there can be no other reason for your attention.

I understand that we have to start somewhere, and physical attraction seems like a good place, but I have not found this to be the case.

In the rare instance I’ve been approached, it has never gone anywhere. Even if there was mutual physical attraction.

Why?

Because the truth is that relationships rely on much more than physical attraction.

There has to be some common ground to start from. You have to know something about her. Anything. You have to have some common interests or hobbies.

Unless both of you are truly just interested in a hook up.

I wrote the following article about best places to shoot your shot, and if you’ll notice, most of the “green light” places are somewhere that you will already have something in common. School, a hobby, even the gym.

Men — Best Places to Shoot Your Shot

Non-members click here to read the full article for free.

As for Cassie, maybe she wasn’t looking for romance.

She was an established woman, with a solid career, and a home that she loved. She owned land that she kept her horse, emus, cats, chickens, and goats on. For all intents and purposes, she was living her best life.

She told me she was looking for a relationship, but maybe she was lying to the both of us. I was still young and naive and idealistic. Maybe she didn’t feel like she could just say she was just out looking for some sex here and there.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that she understood the way men’s minds work far better than I did.

She knew that if she communicated through her dress and appearance that she wanted sex, she’d have no shortage of strange men approaching her.

And I was completely ignored. Back then it was unintentional. Today it is very much intentional.

No judgement on those who enjoy the hookup culture, I’ve just never been one of them.

Writing has always been my passion, so a warm thank you from the bottom of my heart, for reading to the end :o) and a link to buy me a cup of coffee if you feel so inclined.

Kate has turned her rough beginnings as a teenaged welfare mom into motivation to get educated and into a successful career. Now the mother of four adults, and the grandmother of two littles, she works as a Fund Accountant in the alternative investment space, and writes blog style articles on the many things she’s learned about money, relationships, parenting, and life in general.

If you found this article valuable, please consider following Long After the Thrill of Living is Gone.

Click Here